IC Healing: EFT & Inner Child Work
About a week ago, a young man by the name of Paul killed himself with a
heroin overdose. He was 24 years old, very intelligent, very talented.
Following his death, someone said, "I feel so guilty about this. I knew him
for five years and I feel responsible. I could have done more to help him."
I said, "Get in line. Have you seen Murder On The Orient Express? I was there
too, and so were at least a dozen other people. But before he ever got there,
what about all the other people involved during the time of his life? His mother
who left him, the various foster homes, the children's homes, all the teachers
and social workers involved who "processed" him in that time, the drug dealers,
his friends, his relatives - well, as I said, get in line. It's a very, very
long line, and at the end of the day, by the time we knew him the damage had
been done. By the time he was six years old, it was near enough all over."
This set me to thinking.
About the fact that a single sentence placed to a young child can do and undo
more than 30 years spend in therapy for an adult.
And about the fact that the parts of us that remember what it was like to "be
that child" live still in quantum space, and, it being a *quantum space* that
we can make changes now that will re-write
The November Man
Milton Erickson, the famous hypnotherapist, once had a very special client.
This was a man who had been kept by his lunatic religious fanatic parents in a
dark cellar his entire life and was only found upon their death. He had no
understanding of the world and no social skills of any kind. Over a period of
time, Milton Erickson would age regress him and appear to him as the November
Man, a person who would take him out of the cellar and have him experience a
playground, a family dinner, a walk to the shops, a holiday by the sea, so that
the man would have "childhood memories" that
would become templates to base his current
There is much literature on "Inner Child" work, and for all of you who
dismiss this idea as some kind of lame new age fascination, please read on. It
is my supposition that this is the most important type of personal development
and HEALING work you could ever undertake - if you have the courage.
Inner Child Work & EFT
I am going to suggest some approaches to begin your own IC Healing
explorations, using Gary Craig's Emotional Freedom Techniques. If you do not
know how to use EFT, you can find a full protocol
here and I would
suggest you try this out on some other emotional issues first before returning
to this article.
In many cases, before we can even begin to start, some pre-work needs to be
done. It is the sad truth that many deep underlying beliefs we now have as
adults about how children should be treated have been formed by the way WE were
treated. Oh, indeed, we make decisions to "do much better than that" and many of
us do when we are dealing with *other* children or our own; however, how we deal
with *ourselves* remains often
very much just like our caretakers did.
So, we might begin with asking some very basic questions about your feelings
regarding "children" in total.
How do you feel about children?
Do you like them?
Do you find them annoying, irritating, attention
seeking, limiting to your own endeavours?
Do you like *some kinds of children* better than
others? If so, why?
What *kind* of children do you find particularly
annoying? What age, type, gender, race, upbringing, looks?
How do you feel about an adult's responsibility for
the upbringing of children?
Do you have any particularly strong views about what
should or should not be done with, to or by children?
The questions above will begin to make you aware of some emotions and
memories regarding children in general, including the recoil decision "not to go
there at all" or "not being interested in children", for example.
If you are involved in personal development, either with clients or for your
own healing and growth, and most likely, both, then "children" and their issues
should really be of prime concern to you - naturally.
I don't have to tell you that most every long lasting problem or limitation
now is rooted in some way in childhood experiences or the lack thereof, you
already know this on every level.
So *should there be a resistance* to even looking into these kinds of issues,
I would seriously ask you to have a tap on this very resistance - it could well
contain a breakthrough key to your current problems.
Now, let's move on to working with your own past selves, the children that
you once were.
Proxy Tapping Past Selves
mechanism of proxy tapping is particularly useful in the context of IC healing
approaches because it has a TRIPLE effect:
Firstly, it clears the issue in question very
successfully from the more resourceful, older position that you are now;
Secondly, it creates a sense of *connection* and of
*responsibility* for the past self - it is a form of *re-parenting* yourself.
Thirdly, proxy tapping the past self both heals
those old wounds and at the same time, changes the entire system that is your
self esteem, self concept or whatever you want to call it, NOW as the changes
ripple through the whole that is you,
creating new templates of behaviour, thought and possibility as this
If you need basic instructions on the EFT Proxy Protocol, you can find it on
Healing Through Time
I will make some suggestions now on possible areas where you might like to
apply EFT, through time.
Conception & Pregnancy.
Consider the baby that was conceived and that would grow up to become you.
What were the circumstances of this? Is there anything that comes to mind for
this time period, any sense, any emotions, any words or statements you were told
about that have stayed with you and still cause discomfort?
Example Opening Statements (please note the slight modifications in the
Even though this baby should never have been born, I
now deeply and profoundly love and welcome this baby.
Even though this baby was unwanted, I now deeply and
profoundly love, accept and welcome this baby.
Even though this baby's mother drank all through
pregnancy, I now deeply and profoundly love and welcome this baby.
Even though it was said that this baby was born
under an unlucky star, I now deeply and profoundly love and welcome this baby.
You might like to do another round, after such statements have been
completed, but use the generic set up statement of:
"I now deeply and completely
HEAL this baby."
If these Opening Statements cause you much
distress, it might be best to do this process with another to help guide and
Birth. Birth is
always a very dramatic experience. You might remember something, you might have
a feeling or sense of something that happened then, and many of us have been
told many horrific things about this time, all of which is stored on some level
in our multiordinate energy matrices.
Here are some example opening statements:
Even though this baby caused his/her mother so much
pain and suffering, I now deeply and profoundly forgive and love this baby.
Even though this baby was born too early, I now
deeply and profoundly love and accept this baby.
Even though this baby nearly died, I now deeply and
profoundly love and accept this baby.
Following the birth statements, I would advise to always append each round
with a round of:
I now deeply and profoundly
heal this baby from all wounds he/she might have sustained at the time of birth.
0-6 Months. This is
a critical stage in the life of a child, as it makes its first experiences with
The Hard. Constant caretaking, attention, love, warmth, feeding is of the
essence for this child to grow up strong and confident. There are those who say
that the very most basic ideas and concepts, way below the threshold of
conscious awareness or of words and pictures, are formed in that time.
Example Opening Statements:
Even though this baby never received enough love, I
now deeply and profoundly love this baby.
Even though this baby was left alone in the dark, I
now deeply and profoundly love and embrace this baby.
Even though this baby was so helpless, I now deeply
and profoundly love and accept responsibility for this baby.
Even though this baby was always screaming, I now
deeply and profoundly love and nourish this baby.
I would advise to append each round with the following:
I now deeply and profoundly
heal this baby from the wounds he/she has sustained at that fragile time.
6 Months - 2 Years.
Entirely reliant on the caretakers, the child now begins their own
explorations of the World. Their experiences during this time - and this
includes toilet training - are said to set their energy exchanges with the All
There Is on a most profound level. This includes basic beliefs of what can and
cannot be had, what can and cannot be done, what can and cannot be learned, as
well as how, what and why relationships are constructed, mostly based on the
primary caretakers of that time.
Example opening statements might include:
Even though this child was not allowed to explore, I
now deeply and profoundly love and encourage this child.
Even though this child was ignored, I now deeply and
profoundly acknowledge and love this child.
Even though this child was totally overwhelmed by
the world, I now deeply and profoundly love and take responsibility for this
Even though this child was pushed on way too fast, I
now deeply and profoundly love and accept this child.
Append as usual, any one given round with a round of:
I now heal this child, deeply
and profoundly, from all the injuries it sustained during this time of life.
2 Years - 6 Years.
This is the time of development of the basic sense of self - who we are, what
our place is in the world. Many very unhelpful self concepts are formed during
this time, which may include first contacts with organised learning which are of
the essence for undertaking a great many tasks that rely on learning and change
in the future.
Example opening statements might include:
Even though this child was a girl, I now deeply and
profoundly love and accept this child.
Even though this child was slow to learn, I now
deeply and profoundly love and accept this child.
Even though this child was said to have been "a
little monster", I now deeply and profoundly love and accept this child.
Even though this child was abused, I now deeply and
profoundly love and treasure this child.
Even though this child was different, I now deeply
and profoundly love and treasure this child.
As always, append each round with the global:
I now heal all the injuries
this child sustained during this time, deeply and profoundly, with my love.
And Onward To Maturity
Of course, change and learning do not stop when we are 6 years old. It would
be most valuable indeed to continue on and create your own custom made line of
growth beyond age 6 and into pre-teen, then teenager stage and until you have
reached a point of conclusion where you felt maturity and adult hood had been
Now the truth is that many of us, age 40, 50, 60 and beyond have never really
felt as though they did attain adulthood; many of us have a horror of such a
state and actively fight it for many reasons, the main one being that those who
were presented to us as models of adulthood were not what we would ever want to
However, it is my supposition that IC explorations, and more specifically, IC
Healing can help accomplish this.
By taking responsibility in a true adult fashion - note, a true adult fashion
not as was modelled by the so called "Grown Ups" around us - for our own selves,
we are both healing past wounds as well as *recreating a whole new model* of
adulthood for our own past selves.
This is a most profoundly healing and ecological set of energy exchanges
*within our own self* that I absolutely believe needs to be accomplished FIRST
and as the FIRST PRIORITY to any other endeavour.
For how can you heal others if you cannot heal yourself, how can you forgive
others if you cannot forgive yourself, how can you serve others if you cannot
It is often said that "loving
the self" precedes all endeavours to love others.
Loving the child you once were is an essential, if not *the only essential*
component to understanding the nature of love, forgiveness and healing. I offer
you these protocols for use with your self and your clients with my sincere
wishes to you for deep healing and re-alignment.
Published In SFI E-Zine February 3rd, 2002