39 - Discipline
My whole life long I have carried a major misconception about the nature of
“discipline”.
I really thought this meant some complete idiot shouting at you, beating up on
you, so you are forced to do all sorts of things you hate, and which are
absolutely useless, pointless, stupid, boring and meaningless.
I got to thinking this because that used to be my exact experience of
half-people who couldn’t make natural connections through love, attention and
respect and who then had to grab a stick to beat some kind of obedience or
reaction out of others.
And it is unfortunately true that I took the cruel example of my own so called
“teachers”, became just like them, and used the same INSANE STRATEGIES back upon
myself.
It is true, it is more than sad indeed, how I have treated myself over all those
many years. I was my own personal torturer who would never stop, never sleep,
for whom no answer or endeavour was ever good enough, and who was with me
always, no matter how far I ran, how deeply I hid, how silently I lived or how
shallow I tried to breathe.
Slowly thing are getting better.
Slowly I am learning new ways, and I am beginning find new ways of re-educating
myself.
Ways of love, which lead to new connections, through which more energy may
travel, so that I feel better, stronger and I react to that by WANTING to do
more of the same.
Discipline is simply to remember WHAT we are trying to achieve, and then to find
ways and means to ENCOURAGE AND INSPIRE OURSELVES to keep on track so we may
reach our goals.
With loving and attentive, intelligent DISCIPLINE we can get a little further
each day, learn a little more each day, and we move closer into harmony with our
own totalities and the person we were conceived to be.
This is a beautiful spiral which is in truth, never ending, and each forward
movement, each swing and turn is more beautiful, more enchanting than the
previous ones.
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