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EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques Article

Relationships Help With EFT

The EFT Relationships Protocol & EFT Proxy Protocol For Relationships

by Silvia Hartmann

Overcoming Negative Emotions And Feelings, In And About Relationships With EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques - Release Jealousy, Irritation, Love Pain, Fear Of Commitment, Conflicting Feelings, Insecurity, Low Self Esteem, Fear of Rejection, Anger, Sadness, Bereavement and Depression And Set Yourself Free!

Part I - Relationships Help With EFT

Part II - The Full EFT Protocol & Diagram

Part III - Proxy EFT - Surrogate EFT Tapping

Part I - Introduction To Relationships Help With EFT

Welcome, and first things first.

You may have followed a link that promised you a FREE technique to help you with your relationship problems, to change yourself OR change another, and that works like magic.

You might not believe it quite yet, but it's actually true.

I'm going to show you a simple Meridian Energy Therapy self help protocol called EFT (short for Emotional Freedom Techniques) which is going to help you with your:

  • relationship problems, 

  • social phobias, 

  • commitment problems, .

and other types of relationship based negative emotions including:

  • love pain, 

  • jealousy and 

  • bereavement.

I, by the way, am Silvia Hartmann, a hypnotherapist and neuro-semanticist from the United Kingdom. I didn't invent this technique, a very nice man called Gary Craig from the US gets the honours for that, but it has helped me and my own friends, family and clients so much that I do what I can to spread the word.

Let's get right to it and look at the five things you need to know to make this work for you:


1. The Cause For All Relationship Problems - EMOTIONS!

At the core and center of all relationship problems lie strong and overwhelming emotions such as fear, low self esteem, unpleasant emotions such as jealousy, feeling abandoned, feeling hurt, feeling unlovable, feeling trapped, feeling desperate, feeling unloved.

If there weren't any emotions involved, there wouldn't be such a thing as a relationship problem at all - this is important to note and to remember.

After all, if a single man wasn't afraid of rejection and the painful emotions this creates, he could just chat up one woman after another, 40 a night, every night, until one finally said "Yes please!"

If a battered woman wasn't low, depressed, unhappy, scared, and worst of all, probably still in love with the guy in question, she would probably be able to pick up and leave.

So first of all, sit back for a moment and consider what the worst problem are (or the things that cause you to feel the worst, to use different words) and either write it down or make a mental note. I've put the probable corresponding emotions in brackets, but it's the statements that count. Do this now.

Examples of problem relationship statements could be:

  • He is driving me crazy with his womanizing (anger!)

  • I can't stand her company any more (repulsion, rejection)

  • She doesn't even know that I exist (sadness, anger, helplessness)

  • I'm sure he's having an affair (fear, terror, anxiety, panic)

  • I don't trust her anymore (hurt, anger)

  • This relationship is killing me (depression, sadness, fear)

  • I can't find anybody to love me (hopelessness, sadness)

  • I'm not good enough to be loved (hopelessness)


2. Use EFT To Treat Your Relationship Problems

Pick the worst of those statements to now try out if our wonderful EFT Emotional Freedom Technique works for you.

The instructions are on the next page, but whilst we're still here, a quick word about its effectiveness. In the general population (ie not hospitalized or imprisoned folk) EFT works first time for about 85% of people. The rest need more perseverance and it will work eventually. EFT is easy to do and good for you. And EFT is free!

So now go to the treatment page and try this out for yourself to see how much better you can feel about your problems, then come back and read the rest of this article.


3. What Happens When You Do EFT Treatments

When you can remove bad feelings, two things happen. 

The first is that your body says, "Thank you VERY much!" and you're less likely to be suffering from headaches, heart attacks, skin rashes, sleeplessness and all kinds of other problems.

The second thing is that you get to think clearly again. This is especially important when there are decisions to be made, such as should I continue with this relationship, or should I get out and start afresh?

That's not all though. When your inborn common sense can get to work and is no longer overwhelmed by all these overpowering emotions, you can often also find that new ideas turn up, different ideas as to how you can deal with the situation before you. it gives you a whole new level of confidence!


4. Practical Relationships Magic - EFT By Proxy

Now the magic part - how to change another. By accident, it was discovered that by doing the EFT energy balancing on yourself, you can somehow affect others.

It was invented or discovered by a mother who was sitting by the incubator of her tiny premature baby and who had been told that the child would not survive the night. She was a therapist, absolutely distraught and used the EFT technique to calm herself. As she tapped, the baby began to move a little, then its colour changed and it did not die. The mother was convinced that it was her tapping that had somehow created the change in the baby, and "EFT Proxy Tapping" was born. I've used it, like tens of thousands of others by now, and it really works much better than distant healing - it's like something real is going on that we just can't explain yet.

For instructions on how to do Proxy EFT (Surrogate Tapping EFT), please see Part III below.

You don't have to believe that it works, by the way. Just do it for a couple of days and notice the results!


5. Change Your Beliefs About Relationships - And Change Your World!

You can just treat your relationship pains with EFT and all is well. However, you can use it for more than that.

For examples, beliefs such as, "All men are bastards" have a nasty habit of becoming absolutely true for those who believe it, whilst the nice men pair off with the women who believe that "I will find a nice man who loves me and makes me feel wonderful at every street corner!".

Similarly, beliefs such as "Nobody loves me", "I'm too ugly to be lovable", "I'll never find a decent partner", "Only model perfect people can have a lover" and so forth are superb reality creators as well as being very very depressing to ponder on at any length.

You can change these beliefs with EFT just as well as you can release bad feelings, because these are linked with feeling bad.


6. Ending Conflicts In & About Relationships

One of the worst types of emotions in relationships is being torn between love and hate, anger and forgiveness, fear and longing and any combination of feelings you can imagine.

You can use EFT to make peace between parts of you that are pulling you in opposite directions by using double statements with an "and" connection to express the conflict you are feeling, such as:

"Being with her is destroying me AND I cannot live without her."

"I want to leave him AND he is the father of our children who need him."

"I love her AND I despise her."

"I want him AND I hate myself for it."

"I want to stand up to her AND there is nothing I can do."

"I am terribly lonely AND I am terrified of being in a relationship."

If you find the "and" connection a little strained, you can say "but" instead; the main thing is that both the conflict partners are together in one sentence to release the feeling of see-sawing from one thing to the other or of feeling like you are tearing apart under the strain.

You can use more than two conflicting statements in one sentence if you need to when you do the tapping, as well.


7. Good Luck!

Ok, so there you have it. I hope you'll use this wonderful thing, and remember to tell people you like about it too. If you would like to know more about EFT and how to use it with just about everything from weight loss to money problems, I've written a complete, down to Earth training manual called "Adventures In EFT" that will clearly explain how and why, and give you many extra tips and hints how to make EFT work for you so you can finally get what you want out of life. 

Good luck and all the best to you!

Silvia Hartmann


Relationships Help With EFT

The EFT Relationships Protocol & EFT Proxy Protocol For Relationships

by Silvia Hartmann

Overcoming Negative Emotions And Feelings, In And About Relationships With EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques - Release Jealousy, Irritation, Love Pain, Fear Of Commitment, Conflicting Feelings, Insecurity, Low Self Esteem, Fear of Rejection, Anger, Sadness, Bereavement and Depression And Set Yourself Free!

Part II - The Complete EFT Treatment Protocol & Diagram

1. The Basic EFT Self Help Protocol

Here is the self help sequence to use when you are working on your relationship problems in private.

1. Think about your problem and focus on something specific about the whole subject that makes you feel especially unhappy. Please be sure to try this sequence on something that really feels bad - if there is no emotion, you cannot release it successfully. In the next section, there will be some pointers on how to formulate the right phrases to get started.

2. Find a phrase or a sentence that describes the problem succinctly and clearly to you. As an example, we'll use an imaginary person who described his feelings like this: "I just can't go on without her." This gives us what we call the "opening statement" - "I just can't go on without her."

3. Consider for a moment how bad this problem is, how bad does it make you feel? and give it a score from 0 - 10, 0 being no emotion at all and 10 being unbearably painful. This is important so we can judge later how much emotion was released.

4. Place your flat hand on your chest, either left or right, just above your heart. Wait until you can feel the warmth of your hand through your clothes, rub the hand round in a small circle and say the opening statement:

"Even though (insert statement of problem), I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself"

Repeat this opening statement three times in all, continuously rubbing the chest area just below the collar bone.

In our example, the man would say, "Even though I can't go on without her, I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself".

2. The EFT Diagram With The EFT Tapping Points

EFT Diagram With EFT Tapping Points - EFT Relationships Help Article

5. We now use a shortened version of the opening statement which is called the Reminder phrase and tap lightly with one or two fingers, about seven to nine times, on the following spots (either side is fine) as we say the Reminder phrase on each point once:

  • Start Of The Eyebrow - Where the bone behind your eyebrow turns into the bridge of your nose.

  • Corner Of The Eye - On the bone in the corner of your eye.

  • Under The Eye - On the bone just below your eye, in line with your pupil if
    you look straight ahead.

  • Under The Nose - Between you nose and your upper lip

  • Under The Mouth - In the indentation between your chin and your lower lip

  • Collarbone - In the angle formed by your collarbone and the breastbone

  • Under Arm - in line with a man's nipples on the side of the body

  • Thumb - all finger points are on the side of the finger facing towards you,
    in line with the nail bed

  • Index Finger

  • Middle Finger

  • Little Finger

  • Karate Chop Point - on the side of your hand, roughly in line with your life

  • Gamut Point - on the back of your hand, just behind and between the knuckles of your ring and little finger.

In the example, the man would have tapped on the points and said on each one, "I can't go on without her.".

When you're all the way through, take a deep breath in and out. Wait for about 30 seconds, then say the original statement again and ask yourself to give a new rating on the 0 - 10 scale.

If there is any emotion remaining, you do the sequence again, starting with a new set up statement which reflects the change, such as, "Even though there is some of this problem remaining, I deeply and profoundly accept myself".

When there is only a little reminder, you can completely remove the rest of the emotion with this form of statement, "I want to get over this problem entirely, and I deeply and profoundly accept myself."

Article Text Supplied By Silvia Hartmann


  • For more details, examples, the full protocol, and to learn to use EFT for health, wealth and success, order Adventures In EFT - EFT Works also with money worries, decision making, goal setting AND MORE!


Relationships Help With EFT

The EFT Relationships Protocol & EFT Proxy Protocol For Relationships

by Silvia Hartmann

Overcoming Negative Emotions And Feelings, In And About Relationships With EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques - Release Jealousy, Irritation, Love Pain, Fear Of Commitment, Conflicting Feelings, Insecurity, Low Self Esteem, Fear of Rejection, Anger, Sadness, Bereavement and Depression And Set Yourself Free!

Part III - Relationships Magic - The EFT Proxy Protocol


1. Changing Others - EFT Proxy Tapping or EFT Surrogate Tapping

A very unusual feature of the Energy Therapies and EFT is that they can be applied by one person for another. 

Often used when there is distance involved, or the recipient is unconscious or cannot tap for themselves, and in the case of small babies, Tapping By Proxy or Surrogate EFT Tapping is highly effective. 

To put the effectiveness into perspective, we're not talking about praying or absent healing here.

Something physical takes place about 8 times out of 10 in the recipient of the treatment; this knocks most every form of esoteric healing into a cocked hat.

For any relationship situation, to be able to tap for and on behalf of the other party is a fantastic thing that can completely change the nature of your relationship.

For couples, tapping for each other can be one of the greatest breakthroughs into real understanding and intimacy imaginable.

Proxy tapping causes a "linking up" of the energy system of one person to another; so you can also expect to learn something about the other person whilst you're tapping for them.

  • Q: Is Proxy Tapping without the consent of the other ethical? A: If thinking about another without their permission is ethical, fantasizing about them, praying for another, or buying them presents to put them in a good mood, then so is Proxy Tapping!

2. How To Do Proxy EFT or Surrogate EFT Tapping

You can:

1. Make a statement of intent first: I AM (insert name of recipient), and then proceed with the opening statement and the treatment round as normal, noting any energy shifts as usual; so, for example, if you were tapping for your friend James, you could say, "I am James. Even though I have a fear of commitment in relationships, I deeply and profoundly accept myself".

2. Use this form of statement (which is highly recommended for children, pets, and others with whom you have a close and intimate relationship): "Even though James is afraid of commitment, I deeply and profoundly accept him and love him."

In any problem situation that involves relationships of any kind, proxy tapping can be of great help; if there's two reasonably consenting humans involved, the shifts can be absolutely dramatic.

This is a most fascinating aspect of EFT and one which I strongly invite you to explore for yourself - it can be absolutely astonishing in its results.

Proxy Article Copyright  2001 Silvia Hartmann Author, Adventures In EFT


EFT & Relationships - In Conclusion:

EFT is a FANTASTIC and easy to use self help technique that really can put an end to heart ache, jealousy, frustration, fear, commitment phobia, social phobia, and all sorts of other contortions that preclude us from having fun, satisfying, deep and intense relationships - without any love pain necessary!

You can be FREE in a relationship - and it is only then that relationships can really come to life and reveal to us who we can really be.

Use EFT for EVERYTHING emotional in relationships!

Don't be afraid anymore, don't let old beliefs and old traumas stand in your way any longer.

EFT works, it really, really WORKS to soothe away fear, sadness, mistrust, disappoint, anger, jealousy, even longings and heartaches, bereavement - and then we are set free to really be able to LOVE as we are capable of.

This is a GREAT gift, use it and make your life a happier, healthier place, and yourself a shinier person who has so much more fun in every way!

Blessings and best of luck for all your loves to come,

Silvia Hartmann

Author, Adventures In EFT


EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques

with Silvia Hartmann



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